I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
