Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
