i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
