well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
