saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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