i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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