susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
