I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
