like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
