I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
