I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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