I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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