using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
