I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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