We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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