Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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