I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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