Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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