just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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