also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He did a backflip because drugs
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
