Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
