dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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