the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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