he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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