i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
