why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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