good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
