Please, let me fuck your mom
the day after is always just damage control
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
