my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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