he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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