i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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