At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
