I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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