i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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