Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
