Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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