Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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