i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
this boner is exhausting
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
