Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
