it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
