so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
