none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
