Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
