is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
