Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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