My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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