if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
