all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
