Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
