her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
