Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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